The Right Age To Have A Boyfriend or Girlfriend? – Sadhguru
See, if two bodies are rubbing,
only skin is touching, all right? I hold that kind of relationship with people, where my life energies reverberate with their life energy. Those plants which bear fruit too early will
never become full-fledged trees. Superscript: The Right Age To Have
A Boyfriend or Girlfriend? Interviewer (Pooja): So the next question
has been asked by Rahul. “What is the right age to have a boyfriend
or a girlfriend (Laughter)?” Sadhguru: Rahul is… wants a boyfriend (Laughter/Applause)? (Laughs) It’s legal (Cheers/Laughter). So I think every child has boyfriends and girlfriends. Yes? When you are three, four, or five years of age,
didn’t you have boyfriends and girlfriends? You had. Now you’re giving a new meaning
to this simple friend.
Well, a friend need not necessarily mean you
have to get physical with them. Hello? This is something that you have picked up
from certain societies where the body is everything. See why is it so that today it has become like this? This was only in the United States.,
but today it’s everywhere. If you say a relationship, people think it’s
a body-based relationship. Well, don’t I have a relationship with you right now? Don’t you have a relationship with your parents,
your friends, and your teachers? You don’t have a relationship? Hello? Participants: Yes. Sadhguru: Yes. But you cannot say… if you say I have a
relationship with my teacher, they will think, oh, you have… doing some hanky-panky with
your teacher (Laughter/Applause).
Why have you become like this? See, the problem is just this. Your intelligence has been hijacked by your hormones (Laughs). If I say “you are my friend” that means
I must mess with your body. Is that a necessity? Hello? Can’t we be? Okay, you are a girl, if you’re my friend
but I can’t say you’re my “girlfriend,” because it will be understood differently. Why this has happened is, we are giving too
much significance to body-based relationships. You must understand there are relationships
deeper than the body. You can hold such profound relationships with
people without your body being involved in it.
Isn’t it so? Possible or not? Well, a body-based relationship may be necessary
with somebody fine. That’s your choice. But that is only possible in a limited way. But friendship and relationships are possible
at various levels with an enormous number of people. Possible or not? You can hold intimate relationships with thousands of people. I have a very intimate relationship… I… the way I’m sitting here right now,
I assume a certain intimacy with you. But if I have used the word “intimacy,”
people think two bodies should be rubbing. See, if two bodies are rubbing,
only skin is touching, all right? Skin is the outermost cover of who you are. How can that be intimate? I don’t consider that intimate (Applause). I can penetrate people, not just their minds and
their emotion, their very innards, their very life process, I hold that kind of relationship with people, where my life energies reverberate
with their life energy.
That is intimate. That’s intimate. Body rubbing, okay, it’s maybe a necessity
at a certain stage of one’s life. It’s okay. We are not trying to make it right or wrong. It’s one’s choice. But don’t make that the basis of friendship. Why can’t you be friends with
every girl and every boy around you? Hello? So essentially you’re asking at what age should
I go into sexually-oriented relationships? Is that what you ask? But I think it will be… you’ll be doing
a great service to yourself and the world if you remove this boyfriend, girlfriend business
and call it something else. Call them your what…romance
or your love affair or whatever. Because friend, the word “friend”
must be released from the body. It’s very important. Otherwise, friendships won’t happen. Everybody will be like this. Because if I say “you’re my friend,”
she’s afraid, unnecessarily, isn’t she? If I say “She is my friend,” she will fear “What is he up to? How is he, my friend?” Release the word “friend” from the body,
it’s very important.
Let friendships happen all over. Well, body-based relationships happen
with another individual, but that’s different. That’s your choice. At what age? See when you’re in… education. If you don’t take charge of these instruments
at this stage in your life, believe me, your own body, and your mind will trip you
in so many ways, right through your life. You won’t ride them, they will ride you. That should not happen.
At this stage in your life, let the focus fundamentally be on how to grow yourself to the best possible place within yourself. Don’t be in a hurry to live. A living will happen a little later. If you live too early, tch, you will not live too well. Don’t try to live too early. I am not a moralistic person
to tell you “do this, don’t do this.” If somebody has such a
compulsive need, they can do it. But everybody needs not to make it a trend that if you’re in college, you must have a sexually oriented relationship with somebody. There is no compulsion like that. There is no such rule that it must be so. One can grow. There’s a… I’ve spoken about this before. But I must tell you this, among the
mango farmers, there is a practice. If you… across India, this is well known. If you plant a mango sapling, within twelve-fourteen months flowering will happen when the season comes. A mango farmer meticulously
removes every flower from the plant because if you let it go, it will bear fruit.
One or two fruits will come out of this little plant. Only those who are not allowed
to fruit for up to three to four years will become full-blown trees and bear a lot of fruit. Those plants which bear fruit too early will
never become full-fledged trees. So a mango farmer has this wisdom. He keeps on nipping off every flower. Similarly, human beings should not be in a rush to live. The important thing is before you try to live,
you are in a place high enough so that life will roll out well for you. If you live too early, then it could become
an uphill task all your life and tomorrow… Many turmoils are happening. See if you go to Western universities… Right now, I was just at Ross business school
just this week. I was at Ross business school, then at
Harvard Business School, and if you look there, I don’t know what’s the percentages. But people tell me or if you just look around, you will see, most of the faces there are
Indians, Chinese, and like this. Only about forty percents are Caucasian race or American white though they are the majority population there.
Why this is happening is… In these Indian families and Chinese families,
their children have a certain support system and they have to live with their parents till
they’re twenty-five or so, till they finish university. But generally the white families, by the time
they’re eighteen, they’re out of their families, they’re all living with their partners,
they’re going through emotional stuff, they have to make some money for that and the daily
evening they have to take care of their partners. No time to go to the library, no time to study.
All the toppers are Indians,
The Jewish community, and the Chinese. You just see across the universities in the United States. So what does this mean? A whole lot of Americans are
not even finishing university, simply because they have a boyfriend and a girlfriend going and it will not always go smoothly, things will happen with daily turmoils, and problems, you know? Every day these things are happening. Now, you need to understand that this is a time of
your life when you’re at the highest level of energy. At this stage in your life, if you create
a certain focus and balance within yourself, this energy will translate into something fantastic. But at this stage in your life, if you do not
bring focus and balance and you earn it, let’s say when you’re forty, forty-five,
you will not have the same energy. This is something that you don’t understand that they think this level of
energy will be there all your life. No, no, no, it will pass. It is just a question of eight to twelve
to fifteen years maximum.
From the age of fourteen to thirty,
there is a certain upsurge of energy. At this time if you learn how to manage this,
keep a balance and focus in your life, you bring a focus on your life, and this life will
function and play at a higher level of life. If you don’t bring those things
and you’re in a hurry to live, then you will see it becomes an uphill task
not that you won’t make it at all, you may make it but you unnecessary struggles through life. So it’s an individual choice. If somebody has such a strong compulsion,
they may go for it. Don’t make it a trend that if you’re in a college,
you must have a body-based relationship.
Not necessary (Applause).
