6 Ways Narcissism Can Be Disguised as Altruism
Narrator, Whether you’re a full-on Swifty or an occasional listener, you have to admit Taylor, Swift,’s. The new, album Midnights relates to almost everyone in some way or another.
The single Anti Hero has a line that inspired us In the song.
Taylor sings: Did you hear my covert narcissism? I disguise myself as altruistic like some kind of congressman tale as old as time Now psychologist.
Dr. Ramani did a breakdown of Taylor’s, Anti, Hero, music, and video and mentioned that Taylor may not be using the term covert narcissism correctly, but this lyric got us thinking.
Do narcissists disguise their narcissism as kindness? How do they do this, and what can we look out for? In 1987, then in 1992, David Buss led two studies to determine the different manipulation tactics.
His research revealed that there are six most common tactics used to manipulate others.
So without further ado, here are six signs.
Someone is faking kindness and masking narcissism based on Buss’studies.
Let’s go.
Give’em the old razzle dazzle One of our writers used to work at a bank and gave us some cool insight. While you’re working, you have to keep an eye out for everyone who might rob the bank.
They’re, told to look out for overly shy, overly rude, and overly nice people.
What Yeah in Buss’studies charm was one of the most common manipulation tactics used on others, Essentially, the manipulator fakes good or is overly nice to distract you from what’s going on Back to the bank robber example.
It may not be the classic black ski mask and sacks of cash scenario we’re used to, but what, if a customer is overly nice to a teller to distract them from noticing, and he gave her a fake ID?
This can also be a sign of a narcissist faking kindness.
It’s a ploy to distract you from their selfish priorities.
Mom A lot of parents tell us if we don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all.
Well, when does that go too far? Sometimes people will remain completely silent and won’t even respond, even if directly addressed.
This is famously known as the silent treatment, which is a second manipulation tactic.
Buss found The 1998 study on silent treatment, defines the tactic as composed of mostly avoidance and eye contact, an absence of verbal communication. During the study, participants were asked to list behaviors that happened while giving or receiving the silent treatment.
The researchers found that, when receiving the silent treatment, their participants felt that their need to belong their self-esteem, their control, and their status were all at risk.
With the person giving the silent treatment Now add the narcissist.
They understand this and use this silent treatment.
As a tactic to make others look to them for hits of dopamine like being included or getting approval, This in turn helps boost the narcissist’s self-inflating ego With a cherry on top.
Do you remember when you were a kid and you wanted to convince your parents to do something? What did you do You pulled out all the stops to convince them, So your friend is having a party and you want permission to sleep over afterward.
You might remind them how you have, ‘t asked for anything in months been doing all the chores passing all of your classes, and even how you’ve been responsible while driving the family car.
You might even promise to help out with some extra stuff around the house just to be safe.
This is similar to something narcissists use to manipulate others called coercion, which is a Buss’third tactic.
Coercion is defined by the APA dictionary as the process of attempting to influence another person through the use of threats, punishment, force, direct pressure, and other negative forms of power. So, instead of giving reasons why someone should or shouldn’t do something they’re, basically making the person feel bad about themselves or blackmailing them in some way, just to get what you want.
This might look like a narcissistic parent saying you won’t help your mother bring in the groceries.
Fine, I’ll take care of it myself and when I’m done, you’ll.
Remember that you didn’t help Dark.
I know, but this is a common tactic: narcissists use to sneak around boundaries and still get that yes from you, It just makes sense.
There are a lot of logic-based personalities out there Check out our video on the MBTI personality types broken down to learn more about them.
Sometimes narcissists can lean on logic, to reason, with someone and manipulate them.
This is Buss.
39.
Fourth tactic: Let’s go back to our buddy, the bank robber. Instead of slipping the teller, a fake ID, he decides on doing a full-on heist, but he needs a partner.
He asks a friend Leon who immediately and rightfully, I might add, said no To reason with Leon.
The robber says that Leon will be able to pay off his debt, and his bills and move into a bigger home for his family.
Now is this true Not necessarily, and especially not if they get caught, but it is reasonable to say that if you have a lot of money, you can pay off debt and bills High-risk high reward.
That reasoning is how the robber is manipulating Leon.
A narcissist.
Can do the same to get what they’d like from you, especially if you’re a sensible, logical person Back in time.
If you watched How I Met Your Mother, you know Barney Stinson loved, a good challenge to pick up a lady One challenge.
He took on picking up a girl at a bar while talking and acting like a literal infant Depending on who you are.
This might be your deal No king, shaming here, But if your partner is acting like a baby as a way to get what they want, that’s, a different story, Psychologist Sigmund Freud, discovered this phenomenon of regression and found it. This is an unconscious reversion to an earlier time in life.
It can be either temporary or long-term.
This is a defense mechanism to help cope with more difficult emotions and situations, rather than healthily working through them.
This could look like a narcissist whining and raising their voice to manipulate you into dropping the argument.
This is the second to last tactic discovered by Buss.
You won’t believe the last one.
Now it’s personal, The final tactic: Buss uncovered is debasement, which is a fancy way of saying bringing you down.
If a narcissist using debasement to manipulate wrote, Anti Hero, the chorus might be it’s, you Hi, You are the problem, It’s, you, Whether it’s making fun of their appearance, their opinions, their hobbies.
The narcissist will use anything and everything they can against you to make.
You feel small and bring you down. The narcissist logic is that if you feel not good enough or lesser than you, ‘ll see them as superior and follow or listen to them.
Think, Regina George from Mean Girls, She kept everyone close enough, so they knew that they were in the inner circle, but she’d insult them every so often so they continued doing things for her and seeking her approval.
Taylor says she can’t look directly in the mirror, but she just called out her biggest flaws and insecurities for millions to hear Thanks Taylor for showing us how important self-reflection is.
Now, all of this isn’t to say that true kindness, doesn’t exist out there.
We’re simply bringing light to the fact that narcissists can take your kindness for granted or use it for their benefit.
This is why it’s so important to learn how to differentiate between true and forced kindness.
Are there any other telltale signs of a narcissist faking kindness that we didn’t mention Tell us below If you made it to the end of this video drop a hero emoji in the comments, As always keep your eye on the site for more Psych2G content.
Until next time,
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